I am currently in the process of looking for a horse to buy, and am utterly arsey at having to translate "horse ad speak" - though so far I have managed to decipher the following from the near-impenetrable code:-
Suitable for Novice = 27 year old riding school horse who will steadfastly refuse to move under ANY circumstances (see also "bombproof").
Forward going = Last seen entering the motorway slipway heading for the next county.
Sound in wind and limb = blind
Ideal second pony = snarly b#gger who will demand carrots with menaces and has no brakes
Totally wasted in current home = we haven't been able to catch him in six months.
Not novice ride = homicidal (see also "cheeky")
Suit competent rider = can only be ridden by 7th generation Irish ex-jockey with velcro sewn into pants
Jumps for fun = without warning when hacking, or out of the field at 4.00 a.m.
Any further suggestions greatly appreciated.
Also the phrase "snaffle mouth" must be one of the most overused/abused - for instance I have seen a horse in a dutch gag described as such - and no, swapping the reins onto the bit ring to take the photograph doesn't fool anyone.
On the other hand, I am also in the process of trying to sell my quirky, opinionated, yet wonderful warmblood mare (the mighty Lady Bz, for those of you who know me from other forums) - and have tried to advertise her as honestly as possible, and yet, amongst a host of other people who clearly couldn't ride one side of her, I have still had a call from someone looking for a horse for their sixteen year old daughter who is "very confident and competent" as has been riding for 9 MONTHS - who then proceeded to throw a major strop when I refused to let them come and see her. It does make me wonder what some instructors are telling people if they genuinely believe that after 9 months they are ready, willing and able to hop on a big, quirky horse and canter off round the big tracks.
So I wonder, is it just me, or do others find themselves screening prospective buyers for appropriate competence via an interrogation worthy of the Spanish Inquisition? I know in IT departments they use the abbreviation JRtFI (Just Read the F~cking Instructions) - should we introduce a new abbreviation "JRtFA" (where the A = "Advert").
Hah! We have an ideal second pony who is totally wasted in her current home!! ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou should put her on horse-quest Christine - I shouldn't ask less than £5K though. Of course if she hasn't been broken yet you could also describe her as a HOYS/Dressage/(insert discipline of choice) Prospect :)
ReplyDeletePity you're not in Australia. I could let you have an educated, sensible purebred Arabian Mare who is a multi halter and saddle champion in English, Western Pleasure, Show Hunter and Arabian Costume classes. She is affectionate does not bite or kick, ground ties & free lunges to voice commands. She can be ridden safely after a long spell and is safe to ride in traffic, on the beach and in the bush. (Her only real faults are that she is very fashion conscious and doesn't like my hats and she is greedy). I'd be flat out getting $4000 for her here ATM. What would she bring over there?
ReplyDeleteIf I was in Australia I would buy her, she sounds lovely! Also I do love a horse with an opinion on hats as I feel this is an indicator of both breeding and intelligence :)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jx4ydgNmAVo
This is a 7 year old who is sweet but has no competition record - £5000.